Election season’s in full swing and, beyond anyone’s wildest imagination, it looks like you might actually have a shot at winning this thing, even if some recent events haven’t helped your standing in the public.
However, quite a few of us have some concerns about the way you carry yourself.
There’s a certain something about you that doesn’t seem…….ahem……….presidential.
I readily admit that you have a certain charm, and your ability to say what you want and get away with it is truly remarkable. It has us all fascinated, even if it feels like watching a train wreck at times.
But at the end of the day, I can’t help but feel a bit discomforted by the fact that you might be the one with your finger on the nuclear switch.
I can’t say specifically what it is Donald, but it just doesn’t quite click when I try and imagine you in the Oval Office.
It might be due to your sense of irony with others:
I have never seen a thin person drinking Diet Coke.
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) October 14, 201
Or maybe it’s your nuance with public health:
The U.S. cannot allow EBOLA infected people back. People that go to far away places to help out are great-but must suffer the consequences! — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) August 2, 2014
Your PR instincts also get my eye:
Amazing how the haters & losers keep tweeting the name “F**kface Von Clownstick” like they are so original & like no one else is doing it…
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) May 3, 2013
I can’t help but chuckle when I read these, but a part of me thinks it might behoove you to curb down the act a little bit.
Trying to do so might be futile, but it can’t hurt to at least have the possibility in mind.
So here goes.
Mr. Trump, if you want to temper your antics when the moment arrives, here’s a quick and easy supplement stack which might do the trick.
Oh, and by the way: Yes, this is naked click bait. Everyone else in the media is feasting at the Donald Trump buffet table, so I figure I might as well throw my name in the hat and see if I can ride your coattails too.
So, with that being said……..
If you have any inclination to change your appearances and can’t muster up the willpower to do so, here’s a solid list of recommendations.
Temperament: Kava Root
You’ve been attacked quite a few times for your temperament, Mr. Trump.
You don’t seem to carry yourself with that dignity people like to see in their Commander in Chief.
If you wanted a quick and easy way to cool your inner dragons there are a number of directions you can go in, but I’d recommend the earthy drink from the South Pacific.
It’s been used for thousands of years, and got its nickname of ‘Herbal Ecstasy’ for good reason.
It reduces feelings of aggression and anxiety, and generally makes headstrong people more enjoyable to be around.
It’s traditionally drank as a broth from wooden bowls like this:
but if you’re in a hurry you can also take it in a pill. Just try and get 250 mg of the active ingredient, kavalactones.
It might come in handy if you’re getting beaten up in the press for not having enough presidential charm.
Depth of Thought: Bacopa Monnieri
Donald, the chattering class likes to be reassured that their presidential candidates have a serious grasp on the issues.
As seen in the above video, your intellectual acumen might be lacking in the eyes of some.
If you want to at least give the appearance of caring about these things, taking Bacopa would help.
It’s good for helping your brain move serotonin back and forth, which helps with information recall and higher levels of focus when they’re needed the most.
You should take at least 300 mg, and ideally with a meal because its active ingredient, Bacoside A, is fat-soluble. It won’t do you much good on an empty stomach. It’s also an ayurvedic herb, so it probably wouldn’t hurt to source it from India if you can. It’s a delicate plant and sub-optimal growing conditions don’t do it any good.
Hair Growth: Biotin
Despite this clip, I refuse to believe that there’s anything normal about your hair Donald. When I look at it I wonder if it needs to provide its own birth certificate.
If you want to give it flamboyance the natural way you ought to go with biotin. It reduces inflammation around your hair follicles, which allows the proteins on your scalp to fully express themselves, enabling your hair to grow longer and shinier.
When taking biotin Donald it’s best to go big or go home. You need 10,000 mcg to make an impact, and you need to be willing to take it for at least 2-3 months before you see any difference.
Feelings of Aggression: Saffron
You ought to like this one.
Saffron’s an extremely expensive herb who’s purchase is only possible for those who reside in society’s highest economic echelon.
You probably have some of it sitting in a vase in Trump Tower somewhere.
Saffron is delicate and floral, and fresh saffron is only grown in the middle east, where it costs more than $700/lb.
You don’t need to take very much (20 mg), and it’s best enjoyed like a fine wine. Enjoy the scent, take it slowly, and allow it to gently improve your mood.
I readily admit that I’m probably talking into thin air. But I figured it couldn’t hurt to do a little carnival barking at the world’s most astute carnival barker. I’ve always suspected narcissicists pay a lot of attention to what’s said about them on the internet, even if it’s never publicly acknowledged.
If any of this helps, just keep my name in mind for that Secretary of Health position you might need filled up……….